!!!Things That REALLY Piss Me Off
​​There’s been a lot written over the years about the differences between the sexes. You know, the male versus female “thing.” And believe me when I say that there are about as many easily observable differences in this instance as there are rednecks in a rural Mississippi roadhouse on a warm summer Saturday night. (Hmmm….is “rural” Mississippi repetitively redundant?) Anyway, the personality and emotional composition of men and women is so completely different in certain respects that at times you might reasonably wonder if they actually evolved differently or perhaps even came from two totally different species. Let me give you a few examples. 

The way in which men and women buy and integrate new product purchases into their homes is the first thing that comes to mind. Women tend to be more spur of the moment buyers where men like to do some research and study the available purchase options before making the buy. Did you ever see a guy buy a TV or a car without first visiting several stores or going on line to check out product details and reviews, available options and the specs for the products he might be considering? Of course not because to a guy that part is just about the same thing as sexual foreplay is to a woman, and the more foreplay, the more intense will be the pleasure of the actual purchase. When it comes to TVs and cars, to women they’re all essentially the same thing, and their only real interest is in the color of the product.

Here’s another great example of what I’m talking about. Let’s say you buy a new cooler chest to take with you on long trips or to football tailgates. What’s the first thing a guy will want to do with it when he gets the cooler home? Every guy reading this knows the answer, and it’s fill up the cooler with ice and as much beer as you can so that you can see just how many cans it will hold. On the other hand, every women reading this also knows what their answer to that same question is, and it’s completely different from the men’s answer. The first thing a women will do is take it to the big utility sink down in the basement and give it a thorough washing inside with a detergent followed immediately with a nice hand dry. God only knows how many “killer” germs may have taken up residence in the cooler from the factory where it was made or in the store where you just bought it, and only a variety of caustic chemicals will kill them and make the cooler safe for human use. But even stranger is the fact that neither sex knows what the other is going to do with the new purchase, let alone why. It’s kind of a genetic thing over which neither men nor women have any control. Just like geese and snow birds are compelled by their genetics to fly south for the winter, or like professional athletes just have to batter their wives or girlfriends (or both!), women and men respectively have a patterned behavior that immediately makes them want to either sterilize the ice chest or fill it with beer.

Just recently my wife and I purchased two vacuum sealable canisters in which we planned to store coffee. (I say two canisters, regular and decaf, because at our age much of the coffee we consume has to be decaf or my typical five hours of sleep a night would be even further reduced!) So when we got the canisters home I removed the stick-on labels and then was about to put them to their intended use by filling them with coffee when my wife interceded and brought me to a screeching halt. She couldn’t believe I could be so crude and careless as to put the coffee in the canisters without first washing them (actually, scrubbing them would be more accurate) with hot water and a detergent. In the past, I had often times seen her use a variety of cleaning solutions and chemicals for that purpose, pretty much as if the bubonic plague was holed up inside waiting to make a grand entrance. By the time she finished washing the canisters, you could have used them to transport recently harvested human organs which were being used for transplants! 

Here’s one final example of the “washing” thing that really makes my point. When a guy buys some new underwear, what’s the first thing he does? Of course….he wears it! None of this putting it in the washer first crap. That’s for sissies. Real men aren’t afraid of the potentially harmful effects of the toxic chemicals used in the manufacturing process. In fact, is there anything more stimulating than the feel of those chemicals slowly eating away at the flesh of your genitals? Hell no! We’re men, and we can take that and a lot more.  

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